


peace

by fallingforboys



Series: thiam in the words of taylor swift [2]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, Introspection, M/M, McCall Pack, Puppy Pack (Teen Wolf), Theo Raeken Needs a Hug, Theo Raeken-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:47:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28923063
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingforboys/pseuds/fallingforboys
Summary: He could never give Liam what he deserved. Theo was the chaos. And no matter how hard he tried, Theo couldn’t outrun his own destruction.
Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken
Series: thiam in the words of taylor swift [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2120550
Comments: 4
Kudos: 41





	peace

**Author's Note:**

> This song was just made for thiam, I swear
> 
> Once again, listen to "peace" by taylor swift for the full experience
> 
> Thank you for reading!

•••

_Our coming-of-age has come and gone_

_Suddenly the summer, it's clear_

_I never had the courage of my convictions_

_As long as danger is near_

_And it's just around the corner, darling_

_'Cause it lives in me_

_No, I could never give you peace_

•••

Theo stood with his friends, watching as everyone celebrated. They had _graduated_. High school was _over_ , and Theo couldn’t believe that he was part of it. 

A year ago, he was with the Dread Doctors, planning to destroy Scott’s pack, trying to be an alpha, searching for power. He was a _murderer_. He had killed Tracy, and Josh, and Tara in cold blood, not looking back once. 

Now all he _could_ do was look back. Look back and regret everything he did to get _power_ , like that was so important. Like it meant more than his friendships and his family. How could the pack forgive him after that? How could they look at the person who had ripped them apart, played them like puppets on strings, killed their _alpha_ , and just _forgive_? 

It tore Theo’s heart, more than the nightmares ever did- because he didn’t deserve them. He didn’t deserve their forgiveness, not after what he did. The chimera looked around- his friends were all talking and laughing casually, high on the feeling of graduating. They didn’t look scared or wary, that Theo would suddenly change his mind and kill them all. No, they were relaxed. And Theo didn’t know why.

Liam’s hand slipped into his, and the chimera glanced at him to see his boyfriend with a wide smile on his face, his eyes bright with excitement.

Liam. 

Theo didn’t know why the werewolf had decided that he was worth his love. _He_ didn’t believe it. How could Liam remember everything that Theo had done last year and still believe that he was capable of being loved?

“ _Theo_ , you good?” 

Liam’s question shook Theo out of his thoughts, and he glanced around to see the whole pack looking at him worriedly. The werewolf’s tone made it clear that it wasn’t the first time he had said his name. He must’ve been out of it for longer than he thought. 

“Yeah,” the chimera said quietly, “I’m good.”

The pack seemed to accept his answer and turned back to their conversations, but Liam kept staring at him. The corners of his mouth were tilted down in a slight frown, his eyes searching as they roamed Theo’s face. 

Theo nodded in response to the werewolf’s silent question, reassuring him that he was fine. He really _wasn’t_ , but he didn’t want to drag Liam into this. 

He could never give Liam what he deserved. _Theo_ was the chaos. And no matter how hard he tried, Theo couldn’t outrun his own destruction.

•••

_But I'm a fire and I'll keep your brittle heart warm_

_If your cascade ocean wave blues come_

_All these people think love's for show_

_But I would die for you in secret_

_The devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me_

_Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?_

•••

Liam’s eyes were wide with joy as he laughed at the pack party. Theo stood and observed him talk with Mason, his bright blue eyes radiating a level of happiness that the chimera knew he would never feel. The werewolf’s eyes calmed him- he was his anchor after all. Their presence cascaded over Theo in waves of comfort, and his knees suddenly felt weak as a realization hit him.

He would die for Liam.

He thought back to that day, months ago, in that elevator. Fear and panic rising, suffocating the small space, the looming threat of the hunters outside. 

_I’m not dying for you_. 

Theo was lying then, but he was too tired to lie about it to himself now. 

He would die for Liam. Without hesitation. 

And a small, small part of him wanted to announce it to the pack. To prove to them that he _had_ changed, prove that he wasn’t evil anymore, because he would die for Liam. Doesn’t that mean something? But the rest of him knew he wouldn’t. It was a secret that he didn’t want to give up, an intimate understanding, and a part of Theo felt as if revealing it would be betraying Liam somehow. 

And he would rather die than betray Liam. He would rather die than do _anything_ to hurt Liam.

He wanted Liam to know that- wanted him to know that maybe he was fucked up, maybe he was ruined past saving, but he would be there for the werewolf no matter what. Liam could tell him that he was giving up on his normal life and finally running away to a small farm in Europe to live the rest of his life as a mediocre painter and Theo wouldn’t even blink an eye. He would just ask him when the flight leaves. 

And as he kept watching his boyfriend- get up and grab some food, lunge forward to hug Scott from the back, make a loud joke about Brett’s hair- his mind was racing. 

Would that be enough for Liam? Would it be enough that he would always be there? Would it be enough? 

Would _he_ be enough?

•••

_Your integrity makes me seem small_

_You paint dreamscapes on the wall_

_I talk shit with my friends_

_It’s like I’m wasting your honor_

•••

Theo was not a good person. 

He snorted softly at the major understatement. 

Theo was the exact _opposite_ of a good person- even though he’s been getting better, even though he’s been trying to be- he just _wasn’t_.

And no matter how much he tried to convince himself that he was okay with that, he couldn’t. It was a constant weight in his chest, a presence looming behind him, reminding him that he would _never_ be good. And it _hurt_.

Because Liam _was_ a good person. Coming second only to Scott, the werewolf was the best person Theo knew. He was kind hearted, caring, compassionate- everything Theo _wasn’t_. He believed in the best of people even after they hurt him, believed everyone had a good side. Believed _Theo_ had a good side. 

And that made Theo feel small. Like he was just a speck of gray dust in the bright, colorful world of Liam Dunbar. 

How did someone like _that_ love someone like _him_?

•••

_And you know that I’d swing with you for the fences_

_Sit with you in the trenches_

_Give you my wild, give you a child_

_Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other_

_Family that I chose now that I see your brother as my brother_

_Is it enough?_

•••

Liam had grabbed his hand and dragged him to where the pack was eating in the kitchen. Theo had been waiting on the side, because _yes_ , the pack forgave him and told him he was part of it, but something in Theo still didn’t believe it.

“Theo, here,” Scott said, shoving a plate into the chimera’s chest. “It’s a war-zone in here, try and grab something before it’s all gone.”

And the alpha wasn’t exaggerating. The kitchen was a battlefield- everyone talking over each other, lightly shoving as they tried to get to the food they wanted, and Theo’s pretty sure he just saw a grape fly across the room and hit Stiles. 

Liam hauled him over to the food, his grip tightening so that Theo had no choice but to follow the werewolf. The next few hours passed by, the chimera finally relaxing a bit more and actually enjoying the time with the pack. He was closer to the Puppy Pack, obviously, so he liked spending time with them, but he had enjoyed the older pack’s company too. And that thought warmed something in his chest. 

Later that night, when Theo and Liam were lying down in Liam’s bed, the werewolf reached down to intertwine their hands and pulled him closer. The silence wasn’t overwhelming or awkward- it was simply just _there_. 

Because Liam knew what Theo was thinking sometimes even before _Theo_ knew. And Theo could pick up on Liam’s moods and emotions better than anyone in the pack. It was a deep understanding that went beyond anything Theo had ever known before. He didn’t know love could be like _this_. The long stretches of silence that should be weird, but _weren’t_. The times when nothing needed to be said for things to be _understood_. Theo and Liam were aware of each other in a way that Theo didn’t know _existed_. 

After what felt like hours, Liam finally spoke. “They’re your pack too,” his voice quiet. When Theo turned to him, his eyes were closed, but he knew that the werewolf was wide awake. “They’re your pack, they’re your _family_ too. You belong here, Theo. You always will.”

A lump grew in the chimera’s throat, but he didn’t know what to say. He simply squeezed the werewolf’s hand, communicating everything he wanted to but _couldn’t_. 

And Liam understood. 

He always did.

•••

_‘Cause there’s robbers to the east, clowns to the west_

_I’d give you my sunshine, give you my best_

_But the rain is always gonna come if you’re standing with me_

•••

Theo would always try. Try to give Liam what he deserved, try to be the best version of himself he could be, because _that’s_ what Liam deserved. 

He would try even when there was nothing left, because Liam would always deserve more than he could give him. 

And the chimera knew, deep down, that Liam _knew_ that. Liam knew that Theo would always feel like this, feel like he wasn’t enough, would _never_ be enough. Theo knew that the werewolf saw all of it, _felt_ all of it, on those quiet nights when Theo would lie awake, desperately trying not to fall asleep to avoid his nightmares. 

No matter what he did, what he _tried_ , he can’t escape this. He can’t escape his past, his mistakes, his _regrets_. 

They were his to carry for the rest of his life, a burden weighing him down no matter where he was. 

•••

_Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?_

_Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?_

•••

Theo woke up screaming, his hands clawing at his chest. 

Liam jumped awake, wrapping his arms around the chimera, quietly reassuring him that he wasn’t in hell, that he was okay, that everything was fine. 

But everything _wasn’t_ fine. And it never would be.

•••

_Would it be enough if I could never give you peace?_

•••


End file.
